Control Freak, Moi?

This morning I did something that was completely out of character for me: I managed to lock myself out of the house. Long story short, I went for a run with a friend and thought I had a house key with me. My husband went out for several hours and, of course, did not leave any doors unlocked. Imagine my dismay when I arrived home and realized (1) I had keys to my office, my car and a friend’s house, but not to my own house (2) the automatic garage door opener key pad didn’t work and (3) I don’t know my neighbors.

[Sidebar: isn’t that a tragedy of 21st century society? I have lived on a cul-de-sac of 16 hours for 10 years and do not know one of my neighbors well enough to ask them to keep a spare key for our house.]

My sweet friend quickly invited me to go with her and her children to her mother’s house until my husband could come and get me, but I chose a different option and initially mourned  over my typically well-laid plans going awry.

I knew my husband wouldn’t be home until later today, so I had planned to run and then spend several hours getting some things done at home: catching up on laundry, cleaning and doing some more decluttering. I don’t get much time at home alone, so I was looking forward to cranking up the music and getting some things done. Alas, it was not to be.

Every year I choose one word to try to help guide my actions and choices over the 12 months: usually a verb to encourage me to change or to push myself towards certain goals or accomplishments. Last year I chose the word “Adventure”, not because I anticipated travelling the world or having life-altering experiences, but because I sought to change my mindset about spontaneity. I’m not very spontaneous – not at all. In fact, many years ago my high school boyfriend joked that I had to plan ahead to decide when and where to be spontaneous! In my rigid and organized world, I struggle with last minute changes and surprises; I like order, predictability and being in control. Paradoxically, I work in an environment where I have to constantly be able to adapt and abruptly change direction in order to meet the needs of the clients I serve, but I believe that fuels my desire to have control in my personal life.

So what does a self-confessed control freak do when pressed to be spontaneous? She remembers she has a key to her office and goes to spend a couple of hours at her desk, the January sun streaming in through the window, catching up on emails and planning  her next blog post. I traded one safe, predictable environment for the comfort of another. However, I was spontaneous enough to go and get a coffee with my friend, which was not part of the original plans for the day!

Looking back, the word “Adventure” did serve me well. Glancing through the notes I jotted down over the last year, I did select to try some new activities, attend some different events and even (gasp) agree to meet up with friends at the last minute. I know this doesn’t sound like a challenge to many of you, but when you like to plan each day meticulously and try to maintain complete control over your actions and interactions, my ability to change plans at the last minute represented a considerable amount personal growth. And with reflection, perhaps I should have gone to spend time with my friend and her family today. Instead I had the opportunity to think about letting go; about when it’s important to stop worrying about what’s been planned and live in the moment. An important lesson.