Intimacy

Recently I received a text from one of My Chosen Few that simply read “Thanks for doing life with me”. The text made me pause. It made me smile. Actually, it made me completely stop what I was doing and text my sweet friend back to thank her not just for the text, but for “doing life with me” too. Perhaps it wasn’t the most eloquent or grammatically correct sentence, but the sentiment tugged at my heart and reminded me of the power of sincere gratitude and true friendship.

Why do your Chosen Few become your Chosen Few? There’s no simple answer, especially as those Chosen Few individuals are likely to change over the months and years as you and your life changes. What doesn’t change is our innate human need for intimacy; that immeasurable feeling of closeness that develops as you build trust, and that allows you to be your most vulnerable and your most honest self with your Chosen Few. While intimacy should be present in every single marriage or relationship with a significant other, it is not a pre-requisite, nor is it guaranteed. Intimacy, like trust, can be built over time and also shattered in an instant. And it is certainly not always present in friendships, even long term friendships, childhood friendships and between so-called “best” friends.

I seek intimacy in the friendships I have with my Chosen Few. They are individuals with whom I can truly be myself without having to push myself to be better, different or more than I am. They are people with whom I can share my darkest thoughts and deepest woes, and they won’t judge my fears or mistakes. But they’re also not just a support group who endures listening to my problems, or sounding board who advises me through difficult decisions. The intimacy means we can disagree without someone’s feelings getting hurt, and we can offer true opinions without fear of repercussion. We can celebrate being different and choosing to lead our lives according to our individual priorities, and cheer each other on through both failures and accomplishments.

Allowing people access to your innermost self can be terrifying. We all build and maintain virtual barriers around certain painful topics because we fear getting hurt. We fear betrayal so much that sometimes we can’t let people in JUST IN CASE they hurt us. Our fear of pain is greater than our ability to trust and we close ourselves off, unable to focus on the opportunities that intimate friendships offer.

I encourage you to open up your heart. Let people in. Build intimate relationships with a Chosen Few. Having people with whom you can be vulnerable is much more rewarding than keeping yourself locked away. Enjoy “doing life with” them. Another one of my Chosen Few reminded me this week that “life isn’t a dress rehearsal”. A cliche certainly, but absolutely true. While we all could have made different decisions at certain turning points in our lives, I don’t want to look back with regret. I will be proud of the mistakes I’ve made, and learn from them. I will be thankful for the intimate relationships that have molded me, stretched me and comforted me. And I will celebrate doing life with My Chosen Few. It’s a privilege that not everyone gets to have.