Survival Mode

One of My Chosen Few uttered some unsolicited words of wisdom recently: “You can’t dream when you’re in survival mode”.

A small group of us were chatting over a glass (or several) of wine, but her words brought our side conversations to a halt. A couple of us looked at each other and smiled, recognizing a “lightbulb” moment. Another couple of us got out our phones to make a quick note of these wise words before the wine robbed us of our ability to recollect this important moment of the evening.

“Dream” means something different to everyone. In my mind, the concept of “dreaming” refers to the ability to have vision, think strategically and work on my passions. Thinking about the big picture. My greater purpose. Pursuing the things that bring me the most joy and add the most value to my life.

One of My Chosen Few remarked that “dreaming” to her meant being creative. Using her given talents in a way to provide something beautiful or meaningful, or to express her feelings and emotions through the artistic process.

Another commented that as a teacher in a high-poverty rural school, she saw young children on a daily basis who couldn’t “dream” – who couldn’t create, play or imagine because they didn’t have the capacity to do so. Survival mode for these kids meant existing but struggling daily due to poor nutrition, a lack of support in the home, unstable economic situations, and rapidly changing family relationships/structures.

You can’t dream when you’re simply exhausted by living your life.

This is my first blog post in about 6 weeks. When asked why I had stopped writing, I told people that life had simply got in the way; that I hadn’t had the time. In reality, I was too focused on surviving to feel inspired to think and to write. I had taken on too heavy of an intellectual and emotional burden (for a variety of reasons) and was struggling beneath the weight; only managing to make it from day to day and finding little joy in pursuing my chosen passions. Even after trying to live as an “aspiring minimalist” for a couple of years, I found myself slipping back into old habits, finding solace in the business of busyness and taking on additional responsibilities so I wouldn’t have to fill the empty space in my life with something meaningful. I have been simply zoning out in front of the TV and immersing myself in social media. Y’all, I haven’t read a decent book in months! It’s ridiculous! I’m an avid reader but couldn’t even bring myself to find myself a good book to read because I felt too frazzled from other responsibilities to focus my brain.

Some people exist in survival mode because they have no choice. They have to work three jobs to pay the bills and feed their families. They are in an unhealthy or even abusive relationship. They are facing challenges in their physical or mental health, or in the health of their Chosen Few. They are grieving the loss of a loved one, or a marriage, or a job. They are overwhelmed by caring for both young children and aging parents. These individuals have my utmost respect and sympathy – I am in awe of their mental strength and hope that life becomes easier for them in the future.

But many of us CHOOSE to exist in survival mode because that’s become our normal. We don’t know how to slow down. Or how to downsize our responsibilities. Or minimize our activities to just a couple of pursuits we are truly passionate about. Or how to have time to dream. I’m so thankful for my friend’s gentle words of reminder – dreaming adds much more value to my life than the tasks, to-dos and drama.