Letting Go: Lessons from a Book Lover

I’ve had several conversations with some of My Chosen Few recently about “letting go”. And to quite honest, I’ve had a few conversations with myself about it too. Whether we struggle to let go of the unnecessary possessions that are cluttering up our homes, or a job or a responsibility that makes us miserable, or an unhealthy and stagnant relationship, we all battle the same emotions: guilt, fear, grief. Maybe even a little anger and regret. But clinging on tightly to all we’ve ever had does not allow any room in our lives for us to grow, have new experiences and build or maintain our important relationships. It means we waste precious time and energy maintaining things that aren’t  truly necessary for our happiness and don’t add value to our lives.

I read an article recently about tsundoku, the practice of buying more books than you can read. Perhaps you love cookbooks and pour over the photos of delectable-looking dishes without ever even purchasing the ingredients. Maybe you’re a coffee-table book aficionado, or perhaps, like the author of the article, you have an aspirational pile of books by the side of your bed, ever hopeful that you’ll have the time and energy to dive into one of them after a long, hard day.

I am an avid book lover. I have two sets of book shelves in my home and they are filled (but not overflowing) with books that I have read, enjoyed and want to keep. They include half a shelf of cookbooks, about two shelves of work-related/professional development books and another shelf of beloved books from my childhood. The rest of the books are classics, modern novels and a smattering of biographies and autobiographies. While I have certainly read many of these books numerous times, if my house was burning down I wouldn’t stop on my way out to grab a single one. And I know that at some point I will let go of more of these books – I don’t have children, so why I am holding onto children’s books?

Last week I spent an evening with another book-lover: a friend who, as an English teacher (and high school principal), is passionate about literature and about sharing his love of literature with others. Yet he has reduced his book collection from 10,000 to a mere 100. I was intrigued by his thought process and reasoning – as I talk to more and more people about minimalism, I’ve found that book “collectors” are some of very hardest to convince about the benefits of letting go and owning less.

The initial impetus for my friend’s immense book reduction was his geographical relocation and concurrent downsizing of his home. Moving from a 3-bedroom house to a 2-bedroom condo meant there simply wouldn’t be the room for (gulp) 10,000 of his closest paper friends, nor did he want the hassle of packing and transporting boxes and boxes of books. His magic number of 100 was not his original choice; he thought 500 was more realistic. But as he went through the process of putting all those books into piles of “definitely keep”, “maybe keep” and “no need to keep”, he realized that there were far fewer books he really needed to keep than he thought. He actually struggled to get to 100! He assured me that now his permanent collection hovers around 80; the other 20 are sort-of passing through – maybe books he’s teaching or current best sellers he’s reading and will then donate or pass onto someone else.

It’s never easy to let go of our stuff. In modern American society we are unfortunately defined by what we own: where we live, what car we drive, what brands we wear, how are homes are decorated and how frequently we update our personal electronics. We think we look more intelligent if we have multiple shelves of books in our homes, even if we’ve never read them! Frankly, it’s sad. I am striving to live a different sort of life; a life defined by the kind of person I am and the relationships I have. But I confess that I still enjoy the occasional trip to the mall and I love being the Brit driving the (13 years old, faded, scratched up) Mini Cooper around my town in South Carolina. Letting go doesn’t mean you need to let go of everything; it means you let go of worrying about how others perceive you. You let go of harsh comparisons. And you let go of unrealistic expectations and just enjoy being you.

Try letting some things go. Just try. I doubt you’ll regret it.